


Please don't tell your husband

by Lxie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Culture, Alien Rituals, Drabble, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lxie/pseuds/Lxie
Summary: Of course, Keith gets in trouble during a peace meeting.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 127





	Please don't tell your husband

**Author's Note:**

> Listen... I just thought it'd be funny xD

“Thank you again, Paladin Keith, we are extremely blessed to have you as our witness—“

Keith made some sort of affirmative noise, the chattering of the diplomat of the Vex region fading into the background as he looked around. His surroundings looked like some sort of twisty purple-pink monstrosity from a Dr. Seuss book.

If he asked to have someone else take over for this job then his eyes wouldn’t be straining from the extra day-glo pink but the planet’s leaders asked for him specifically months ago, and Krolia thought it would give them an extra edge in the coalition negotiations once the planet was reunified.

“—I hope our protection is satisfactory for you, Paladin Keith, though, I am sure one of the greatest heroes of the universe could take care of himself, hoho—“

He wondered how Lance would’ve handled this. He probably would’ve been chatting up a storm and getting the leaders on his side before this trust ritual. Maybe he would’ve been able to avoid it all together. He’s not too sure how he would feel trusting someone not to shoot him in the back after years of being enemies… except for Lance that is. But they weren’t really enemies and they worked it out without actively shooting at each other.

Ugh, he missed him.

“—it’s such a pity the Tnokians forbade the Blue Paladin from coming but what can you do, they’re as trusting as a rejiin, but I’m sure everything will go accordingly, ahaha—“

“I’m sure,” Keith said. Lance really didn’t like Keith going by himself. Quite possibly because the last few missions he got hurt but the planet Venkan was peaceful for centuries even with the divided people. But Keith basked in the attention lathered on him anyway.

“—completely safe. As soon as it’s over we shall host a feast! Un-unless you wish to return to your husband if you prefer—“

“Uh-huh,” Keith murmured, eyes scanning the purple hills for any sign for the Tnokians. The Prime Vex was right, the faster they started the faster he could go.

Keith didn’t know much about the planet’s time but he was pretty sure they were late. It’s just been him, the Vex’s leader, and five Vexian guards standing on a stupid purple hill for at least ten doobashes past the agreed time.

He looked to the Prime Vex, who looked like a blob of yellow jello with a bulbous nose and beady eyes squeezed into some sort of formal attire. He cut off the nervous rambling of the Vexian. “Excuse me, Prime Vex but shouldn’t they be here already?”

The Prime Vex’s nose quivered, Keith still hadn’t decided if it was also his mouth or if his mouth was just hidden somewhere. “Ah, Tnokians are always late. It would be a surprise if they ever arrived on time. But they should arrive shortly—ah, there they are!”

Keith could see a similar group of jello blobs marching their way up the hill, their jelly-like bodies jiggling with every step. They looked completely indistinguishable from the Vexians except their formal attire were robes that flowed with them versus the Vexian’s stiff suits loaded down with medals that tried to contain their jiggling.

“Red Paladin!” The Tnokian with the purple robes cried, their beady little eyes lifting into upside-down crescent moons. He grabbed his hand and shook vigorously. “It is a pleasure to meet you!”

“Please,” Keith said, extracting his hand. “Just call me Keith.”

“As you wish Paladin Keith!” The Tnokian looked to him to the Vex that was silently standing next to him, leaning close to whisper, “I suppose you are bored out of your mind waiting with a Vex.”

Prime Vex jiggled with a huff, nose going up into the air. He walked over to one of his guards and took their lasergun. “Let us conduct the peace ritual.”

Keith cleared his throat, arms crossing as he backed away from the two Primes. The Vexians and Tnokians entourage flanking him on either side. Keith closed his eyes and took a deep breath, blocking out the disgruntled mumbling on either side of him.

“I, the former Red and Black Paladin of Voltron, will witness the peace ritual between the Vexians and the Tnokians. At ten paces the Primes shall turn and trust the other will uphold peace.”

The peace ritual went without a hitch. The Primes stood back to back, taking a step at Keith’s count. At the count of ten they turned around and both shot into the air, upholding the peace between the two factions.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he would’ve done if one of them shot the other, but he was just glad he didn’t have to deal with a civil war.

Both of the Vexians and Tnokians walked back in a big group to the Vexian castle for the promised feast. He walked behind the Primes, the tentative peace unfortunately did not mean they would hold back disguised barbs at the other.

“How is the court in Tnok? Oh, I’m sure you would meet much more beautiful Venkans once we establish peace parties.”

“Mmm, didn’at Vex have the worker strike? I’m sure the parties in Tnok would be much better—“

“But it’s almost winter on your side, yes? So dark and gloomy.”

Keith gritted his teeth, his patience for these hoity toity jello minions wearing thin. Behind him was not much better, veiled insults flinging like gunfire on a battlefield. This must have been why this planet was so “peaceful” the past centuries.

He pinched the space between his brows where a headache was forming, trying to block out the chatter when a familiar whirr booted up behind him. Lunging forward he pushed the two Primes to the ground, lasers sounding off behind him.

Rolling, shield activating, he took out his bayard, the form falling into the familiar shape of his sword as he kneeled in front of the Primes to give them cover.

Except no one was shooting at the Primes.

Each of the bodyguards were shooting at _each other_.

Each of them flinging worse and worse insults at each other ranging from how ugly their wives were to how they enjoyed their mothers’ company.

Keith could feel a steady heat building in his chest, racing up his face until it felt like he could spit fire. He threw down his sword, the end sticking into the purple grass, his shield dematerializing. “Are you _KIDDING_ ME?!”

He marched over and yanked a Tnokian back by the back of his blue robes, his shots firing into the sky. “This is supposed to be a _peace_ ritual!”

The Primes rushed over, commanding their men to stop firing.

_Patience yields focus_ was on loop in his head. Breathing deep he took the Tnokian’s laser gun at shot at the Vex’s shield until it disintegrated, their weapon falling to the ground a second later. He wasn’t as good of a shot as Lance but he picked up a few things over the years.

He shattered another shield. “Everyone, stop! Shoot—gah!”

Fire burned through the thin under armor of his Paladin uniform, his side in agony as his skin bubbled from the laserfire, barely protected from the armor. His breath hissed through his teeth as his hand hovered above the wound. The flesh bubbling and oozing and fire engine red.

The Vexian Prime rushed over, the rest of the guards lowering their weapons gaping at him in horror. The Vexian Prime’s swollen yellow hands fluttered over him. “Oh! Oh dear Vishka. Vishka, Vishka, Vishka, are you all right?!”

Keith gritted his teeth, his side throbbing from the burn. He didn’t know if it was second degree or third degree but it _felt_ like third degree. Tears streamed down his face unbidden, trying to breathe through the pain, gingerly dropping to the ground. “Do you have. Healing pods.”

“No, but-but we have excellent healers! One of you go! Go get a healer!” The Prime Vexian turned back to him, “You will be all right, Paladin Keith, don’t you worry! Vex has the finest healers of the planet. Just—let’s keep this between us, no need to discuss this with your husband.”

“What?”

“We have heard stories of the Blue Paladin, fearsome stories of when you have been in danger.” The Vexian bowed his head, hands coming up in a pleading gesture. “Please, do not tell your husband of what transpired.”

Keith groaned and tipped over, burying his face in the soft purple grass. “Don’t worry, _you’re_ not the one he’ll be mad at.”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my [tumblr](https://lxiewrites.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> also sorry for being MIA for so long dkslfjdsa, I'll put a longer reason in the last fic I upload today, It'll be the Marry Me one.


End file.
